She was mine

It’s funny, how even after all these years, I can still remember everything so clearly.

Jessica Yearly. She was a cute classmate of mine. She was so pretty. She tantalized me. Mesmerized me. Captivated me. And finally, consumed me.

Her long brown hair was so smooth and fine, flowing anytime there was even a light breeze in the air. The light that shown in her blue eyes made her sparkle, as if she wasn’t truly human.

For years, I watched her. I was smitten by her beauty and poise. I longed for little more than to be with her.

I had to have her.

In my mind, I sought out ways in which to make her mine. I looked for the words that would bring her to me. Lacking a poet’s soul, and possessing a slow tongue, such a task was too difficult. Every encounter had ended fruitless. I may have learned more about her, but I couldn’t speak and show her my feelings. The days turned to weeks and then months. I thought of her each and every day. She had long since filled my mind. Any thought that included her was so sweet. Just as any that did not was bitter.

As the months finally turned into years, and the time I had left with her in school was rapidly dwindling, the pressure within me rose. The calendar brought panic to me. Every day that passed was one less day that I could be around her. My senses left me as the last month before graduation came screaming at me.

How could I explain my love for her? My desire? My… obsession? How could I let her know everything I had for her in the short time I had left, considering my past failures?

By use of alternate and roundabout means, I had learned her home address. It wasn’t too far away from my own house, so fortune seemed to smile upon me in that regard.

Yes, I had gone by it numerous times before in the past, had even gone to the door and tried to ring the doorbell, but hadn’t each time I had tried. This time, I had to succeed. There was only a few weeks left of school. All of the events except the last exams and graduation had passed. Nothing of importance was left. I had squandered those opportunities, so I had to not let this pass me by.

My heart raced as I stood in front of the door. My finger was posed by the doorbell. With all my might, I did everything I could to will my index finger into pushing itself against the alarm, signaling her attention.

It finally managed it.

My mind was in shock, surprised that I finally was about to do it. For an amount of time I’m still not sure had passed, the door opened. The glorious sight before me was the envy of the world. Its treasure.

She smiled slightly at me, and asked me if I was going to just stand there and stare with my mouth open. The sound of her sweet voice jolted me back into consciousness. I cleared my throat and tried my best to sound as cool as she did heavenly.

“Hey.”

The only thing that came to mind, and the only thing that could be willed out of me. My mind was too shocked by her to function properly. How had I been able to even look at such a goddess divine?

Her expression turned into the only thing that marred such a perfect image. “What is it?” The aloofness stabbed me. This woman, the very thing I worshipped and adored, had set up as the reincarnation of Venus herself, did not care!

Intolerable! Impossible! Unforgivable….

I’m not sure, even to this day, what possessed me. One second I was staring at her, the next, I was on top of her, my hands squeezing her throat. Her pure look of terror surprised me. My goddess was afraid of me.

It didn’t matter, I had to have her, or no one would.

Eventually, I realized three things. One, she was dead. Two, my throat was hurting. Three, tears were running down my face. I understood quickly why she was dead. I guessed that my throat hurt because I was screaming. Tears flowed from me in anger and pain.

She was supposed to be mine. To have and to hold, to possess forever more. Her life, and therefore, her death, was mine alone to provide or take. So why? Why am I locked up in prison for taking what was mine to begin with? This world… is screwed up.